Testing the Smoke Alarms
So I came home last week to a nasty note on my counter informing me that the smoke alarm in my bedroom had a dead battery. Fortunately I had a 9-volt left over from a 2-pack (why can't you buy batteries a la carte?) and juiced it up.
Tonight I got some reassurance on their effectiveness when a single drop of cheese struck the bottom of my oven ($0.99 totino's for the win!), and the smoke alarm in my bedroom, it's shrill siren on a hair-trigger, went off.
I grabbed a kitchen towel and darted to the bedroom to fan it, which quieted it down rather easily. But then my den alarm went off, and I ran out to fan it as well. I silenced it, and went to open the kitchen window, when my bedroom alarm went off again. I fanned it again, and the den went off. I accidentally hit that one with a wet towel when I was trying to fan it, and it exploded, the lid flying across the room and the battery falling out. Then I ran to open the back door to create some air flow, and the oven timer went off.
Then the bedroom alarm went off again. I quickly fanned it, and opened two more windows and ran to open the stove and turn it off. I tried to use a fork to pull the oven rack out, but the fork bent and the rack didn't move. Then the bedroom alarm went off. I was starting to get angry, so I grabbed a handful of forks and jammed them into the oven to pull out the rack. Then the bedroom alarm went off, and the kitchen timer beeped "hey, your time was up a minute ago, hurry and remove your food", and, unbelievably, the den alarm beeped to indicate "low battery".
I silenced the kitchen timer, ripped the battery out of my bedroom alarm, pressed the silence button on the den alarm, and then punched the wall.
So anyway, my point is, does anybody know how to repair sheetrock?
Tonight I got some reassurance on their effectiveness when a single drop of cheese struck the bottom of my oven ($0.99 totino's for the win!), and the smoke alarm in my bedroom, it's shrill siren on a hair-trigger, went off.
I grabbed a kitchen towel and darted to the bedroom to fan it, which quieted it down rather easily. But then my den alarm went off, and I ran out to fan it as well. I silenced it, and went to open the kitchen window, when my bedroom alarm went off again. I fanned it again, and the den went off. I accidentally hit that one with a wet towel when I was trying to fan it, and it exploded, the lid flying across the room and the battery falling out. Then I ran to open the back door to create some air flow, and the oven timer went off.
Then the bedroom alarm went off again. I quickly fanned it, and opened two more windows and ran to open the stove and turn it off. I tried to use a fork to pull the oven rack out, but the fork bent and the rack didn't move. Then the bedroom alarm went off. I was starting to get angry, so I grabbed a handful of forks and jammed them into the oven to pull out the rack. Then the bedroom alarm went off, and the kitchen timer beeped "hey, your time was up a minute ago, hurry and remove your food", and, unbelievably, the den alarm beeped to indicate "low battery".
I silenced the kitchen timer, ripped the battery out of my bedroom alarm, pressed the silence button on the den alarm, and then punched the wall.
So anyway, my point is, does anybody know how to repair sheetrock?
posted by Colin at
6:29 PM
7 Comments:
I laughed so hard reading this, I almost had a sunflower seed come out of my nose.
By
Derek, at 8:27 AM
You know what they do sell a la carte? Oven mitts, to pull oven racks out!
This made me laugh out loud. I wish I had seen it myself.
By
Anonymous, at 7:25 AM
Touche, Bets.
Colin, this is Seinfeld quality comedy! Thanks for sharing!
In case your question wasn't rhetorical:
You could probably just use a sheetrock saw or utility knife to make the punch mark a square. You'll actually probably want to make it large enough to expose two studs to have something to nail the new piece to. A sheet is 4'x8', so I'm not sure how you will get it home and not look suspicious carryin g it to your apt. But once you've done that, you just cut and measure. Nail it to the studs, use sheetrock tape and a floating compound to smooth the seam, texture the wall to match the original texture and paint. No, er, problem. Or you could just use a WHOLE LOT of toothpaste.
By
Mrs. Harmon, at 9:00 PM
Wow, Tiff's smart.
By
Anonymous, at 9:30 PM
I was too late to take part in Derek's Jerry Maguire deal because it was sent to a reallllly old email address, but this post was hilarious. I agree with Tiffany about Seinfeld quality comedy.
By
Anonymous, at 8:21 AM
MMMMMM.... $0.99 Totinos pizza, but on to the main questions:
Q1: What type of pizza WAS in the oven? (My personal guess would be 3-meat)
Q2: Why was Derek eating sunflower seeds while reading Colin's blog? Isn't that obviously dangerous???
Q3: This sounds like it would also make a great video game (in addition to a great Seinfeld episode) - why hasn't anyone thought of something like this sooner?
By
Anonymous, at 10:58 AM
Oh man,
So whoever complained about your battery going dead (if I understood that right the person who complained about the one battery going dead had no idea what they could really get). Anyway... I threw a big glass jar candle into the wall once and the way I was told to fix it was. Poke newspaper into the wall to fill some space( i was poking a little while) then get screen and poke into the hole (with a string attached so you dont lose it) it will have to be a little flexible...then tape and spackle and paint a little.
By
Anonymous, at 1:27 PM
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